That Time Again...

it's Carnival season...*sigh*

I've mentioned before that i will never go back home for carnival  - i tear up on Georgia Ave in DC every time i'm there; i teared up a little on the truck in Miami last year - what will i do if i go back home?  Bawl down the place like a baby - that's what (it won't be pretty).

Carnivals up here are NOTHING compared to the real thing.  I can handle going to the parties and being on the trucks here, but there is no way i can survive doing that at home - there is no way!  This year, i'm happy (secretly, selfishly) that only 1 of the crew is heading home.

Now, just because i know that i cannot and will not go home for Carnival doesn't mean that i don't get into the season.  I mentioned in an earlier post that the music is on point this year - just about everyone is batting for six.  The thing is that even if i didn't want to get into the season, i don't think i could help it.  I listen to Red all day long (when i'm not on calls) - i can't work in silence - so music has to be playing.  In fact, during this time, i'm glad i don't have to go to an office because i can listen to it as loud as i want to without having to think of anybody else.

Carnival is the 1 time that i really miss home every year - even if for a fleeting moment.

• The energy
• The happy times
• The lime

2nd to none...

Showing solidarity on the truck :-)

Whoa!

I'm not complaining - I swear i'm not (u all know that i of all people am not)...but 70degrees in FEBRUARY!!??!!!  the world is coming to an end - what the?!?!?!  of course, next week it'll probably snow - such is the weather in Atlanta - steups!! (sorry folks, i have no idea how to translate - it's a teeth sucking noise that we Trinis do)

Anyhoo, I've said before that sometimes i think that insurance is 1 of the biggest ripoffs ever.  But boy am i thankful for it.  My mother is an Executive Agent at Guardian Life and many good things have happened to her since working at Guardian Life and she is doing extremely well there - extremely grateful for that!  Yesterday i got a bill for my last infusion in the mail.  My copay is $40 on the day of and then i normally get a bill for 4.79.  Yesterday when i opened the bill, it was 23.95 - so, of course i needed to understand y it had jumped so much all of a sudden. and i logged onto the insurance co website.

well i discovered that by the time i'd started infusions last year, i'd already met my deductible for the year - hence the low bill (I'd spent so much on my health last year).  Of course i haven't done anything for this year as yet, so i have to meet my deductible before anything insurance kicks in.  Okay, i can live with that.

Then i saw the actual cost of the infusion - 5032 big ones every month!!  EVER GRATEFUL for the INSURANCE!!!!!!  how do sick people without it deal?  I guess they just deal with their ill health???  There was NO way that i could pay $5k monthly; i'd have to do an infusion a  year or something.  Maybe for sick people, insurance is not a the biggest ripoff afterall
:-)

Rhell (Real) Weird

My ankle is 99.9% healed - I have no pain, only if I twist the food inwards (very slight) - and how normal is that???  I have downgraded from the boot to a splint (i've actually had this injury before (2 prior falls!!) and i guess something told me all those years ago to hang on to the splint) so I've been wearing that for the last few days.

Anyhoo, I kid you not, when i had on the boot, all other issues disappeared - everything was normal.  Maybe the man above gave me a break because dealing with the boot and MY normal would have been pressha.

Now, it's off and i'm back to MY normal; i swear i feel like i just want to wear the boot just because - i could alternate feet weekly.

oh well, wha yuh go do?

Uncertainty of Life

life has no guarantees!

As i've gotten older, i really get the meaning of "life has no guarantees" and life's being so uncertain.  is it that when I was younger, I felt so invincible that I never really "got it"?  or is it that i was lucky and in my younger days hadn't had to deal with too many instances of sickness, poor health, death that it never really struck me that nothing is guaranteed in life?  We take so much for granted all the time and in an instant, things can change - at times with no warnings.

My grandmother died last week; she would have been 100 on March 26th.  She was strong and healthy up until 5 days before she died and when things started going downhill, they went very quickly.  No-one wants to see a loved one die, but we can take comfort in the fact that she lived a very long, full life and brought us many, many, many joys during her lifetime.

Her funeral was a celebration of her life and not focused on the mourning of her death.  She will always be loved and will be missed by everyone who loved her.

G2's 2011 Walk Challenge

Yup...she's walking 50 miles again - this time in Charleston.

Visit her page below; let's support her again:

G2's Chippin Against MS

P.S. Monday was her birthday - HAPPY BIRTHDAY G!!!!!

Funny How Things Happen

so...i fell down on Monday, went to the urgent care place and the doc there wanted to give me crutches.  I told him about my situation and my balancing issues and he suggested a boot instead.  I put on the boot and STILL could not walk because i  couldn't put any weight on the ankle.  At that point, i had to get the crutches to use as well as the boot.  Of course the first few steps with the crutches were touch and go, but i very slowly kinda got the hang of it while i was there.  He still didn't really like how i was looking so i left the place with a prescription for a walker, because he thought that it would probably be my best option.

By the time i got home and practised with the crutches some more, i was doing ok.  i stopped using the cane - obviously - and was wearing the boot and using the crutches.  Wouldn't you know it....it seems that all the walking/balancing issues that i normally have are gone.  i swear that if i take off the boot and throw away the crutches RIGHT NOW, i would walk normally - and not my "normal", normal like any other person (normEl, normEl!).  ugh!!  who knew that it would take my falling down the steps for that to happen.

Anyhoo, I can put some weight on the foot now.  If i walk on tippytoe on the right, i feel no pain.  Last nite i started using the cane again because i'll be honest i'm a lil afraid to go out in public (have my infusion tomorrow) with the crutches.  This morning when i woke up, i actually walked around a bit without the boot, so the ankle is healing and i'm on my way to being well again.

My Worst Nightmare

has happened...

just the other day i was talking about the steps in my house.  Yesterday i tumbled down - sorry, catapulted down 1 flight of steps.   (If i do say so myself, i think i would have scored a perfect 10 for my flips - twice) :-) I started at the 4th step and landed on the floor right by my front door (12 steps down) - on my side.  I was alone - actually i was glad that no-one saw because I'm sure it looked worse than it felt and it felt BAD.  After it happened, i composed myself and limped to my desk.

I actually went for a record yesterday, i fell 3X!!!  After the 1st one,  i didn't realize that my ankle was gone and i fell twice again afterward because i just couldn't put any weight on the ankle.   those times i actually did the usual and laughed because i was in so much shock - the 1st one was no laughing matter.

there is GREAT news...it ended extremely well - all i suffered was a sprained ankle; i didn't hit my head, i didn't hurt anywhere else.  in fact i don't even think that i bruised where i landed.  I went to an urgent cars facility and left with a boot and a pair of crutches - so i'm fine - no need for anyone to worry.

Needless to say, i'm working on the middle level as opposed to all the way down this week.

To my Trini Peeps

Okay...(almost) so every year (if u like me) i wonder what the hell they coming with again the following year - as far as soca is concerned.  I have to say tho that last year the only song that i liked from the very 1st time i heard it was "Palance"; everything else had to grow on me.  This year?  i like just about everything - there are few songs that i can do without and only "Advantage" had to grow on me (after 3 listens i was sold on the concept alone).

But SHIT!  Does some of the music have to be so bloody fast?????

Doh get me wrong, i have come to accept the fact that i eh go be wining down to the ground anymore.  The thought/picture of my doing so with a cane and 2 stiff leg is not a sight that even i would want to see, so i does jes be tapping my cane along, tapping meh foot to the music.  I swear that I can barely even do that to some of the music this year!  LOL!!!

i eh go lie...as i get older, i realize that there is absolutely nothing wrong with Groovy Soca and when i see the young 'uns carryin on (like i used to - of course) i jes want to tell them to "relax already - good Lord, settle down!"  Doh get me wrong, I am all for a good time and there is nothing like being on the road for Carnival Monday and Tuesday - in fact if i could i would be front and center, but sheesh!

Quite frankly, left up to me "Wotless" can easily win Road March hands down - no questions asked! :-)

Home

I love my house...we bought it in 2002 - been here ever since.  It's perfect for G and me - we have no complaints.  when we started looking around, i had specific instructions for the realtor.

• It had to b close to a highway (i have too many friends who live 15 miles from the exit and i didn't want that)
• it had to be close to Atlanta (i know u get more for ur money the further out u live, but that shit is NOT for me)
• The bedrooms had to be equally sized (too many places we looked at had a huge master and 2 closets for the other rooms - NOT acceptable)

This one has all that and more.  I've mentioned before (i think) that it's 3 stories...yup, 16 steps (but who's counting) between each floor (if only i knew then what was in store for me).  2 of the bedrooms are all the way on top (G and mine) and there is another all the way down - that's where i work.  So everyday i have to make the trek up and down all 32 steps at 1 time or other because i work all the way down and the kitchen is in the middle.

I love my house - until last Saturday!  i finally got to celebrate my birthday with the crew on Saturday (what with the weather and scheduling and whatnot).  We did the usual - eat, drink and be merry and then it was time to come home.  I got here and i swear it took me about 5 mins to climb 16 steps - WTF?!?!?  it was a looooooooooooooooong, slooooooooooow, "painful" process.  I'm not sure what the problem was - i didn't try to figure it out - but, for the 1st time since being here,  boy did i wish that i owned a FLAT house!

Now and again, i really feel like this...

good grief!

have i ever mentioned that i hate having ms?  i do!!

so i got some new boots.  they are cool and they are tall boots with no zip so i have to pull them on and off as i go.  This morning i had an appointment with the devil (my dentist); i put on the boots and off i went.  i got back home and needed to take them off so i could walk around with ease in the house.

i'm not sure if i ever mentioned before but the left side of my body is my probelm side.  Everything always happens on the left side

• the first sign that prompted me to go to a doctor that eventually led to my diagnosis was twitching of my left eyebrow
•  the vision of my left eye was off 2 years prior to my diagnosis, 
• my left foot would drag more etc etc - 

and in general, it's weaker than my right.  Well i go to pull off the right boot with my left hand this morning and NOTHING.  the blasted boot would not budge.  Try as I might, I couldn't, for the life of me, find the strength to pull off the boot.  WTF????  i'm heading out later - i had visions of having to keep the bloody thing on until i returned and then ask my friend to pull it off for me before i go in the house.

well my persistence finally paid off; i was so determined to get the shit off - someone from my past always used to say "persistence is the key" I finally i was able to get it off and pelt it way.

Did i ever mention that i hate having MS???  i DO!!!!

Ah Shit!

Wednesday was not a good day.

i actually had a few thoughts of "if I continue to walk like this, I'm not going anywhere anymore"... it was really not good.  I even decided that maybe i need to contact my neuro and go back on that other drowsy medication 3x a day and was trying to figure out how i could take it without it's interfering with my life too much.

Anways, in the midst of my wallowing my alarm went off at 4pm - it was time to take my afternoon sets of pills.   I opened my handy dandy "Wednesday" container and what greeted me?  every single pill that i was about to take as well as those that i was supposed to take at 8 AM!  ugh!!!!  is this y i was having such a hard day again??  i remember it'd happened before...i took the 4:00 dose and went on about my business.

Later that nite, at 8pm, the alarm went off yet again for that round.  I took out the container and what did i find?  i'd taken the 8:00 tablet at 4!!!  WDF????  where was my mind yesterday?  i guess in my confusion about realizing that I hadn't taken the morning pills, i didn't really think about what i was doing at 4???  who the hell knows!

well....it was too late by then to do anything about it and I had to just chalk up Wednesday as a lost cause and move right the hell along to Thursday

Side Effects Again

I don't think I will ever stop talking about side effects!  lol...

so for a long time i've been feeling a tickling sensation in my throat and each time it happens i have to cough to try to get past it.  it wasn't really making sense to me why it was happening and just out of the blue for no reason, but hey, i just chalked it up as 1 of those mysteries of life.  G kept saying that it was the damn MS doing something but this time i actually wasn't convinced.

1 of the tablets i take is mailed to me and it always comes packaged with the drug facts and information etc.  They say u should read it each time and i do for the most part but never really put 2 and 2 together until a couple months ago.

One of the side effects is:

irritation in your nose and throat!

well hell!  that must be it then...it's really odd, it's not painful but it feels like a small piece of hard plastic just stuck there and i have to cough to get rid of it.  Doesn't happen a whole lot, but of course, it's good to finally have an explanation.

Smuggler's Cane

I used it yesterday/last nite...not in its entirety - there was nothing in the flask; i was going to a restaurant - but using it is more work than the others because of the "handle" or lack thereof.  Before G2 bought it we discussed my being able to use the cane because of its handle and we figured that if I couldn't use it she would try to change it.  All the canes i've used have a "L shaped" top; this one has a knob (there are actually proper names for the different handle tops, but i won't bore u with those details).

We figured, correctly so, that it certainly would be a different experience.  It was - it's much more work.  I guess i never realized just how much i rely on that little "handle" part of the other canes, but i do...i won't go as far as to say that i can't use it, but i actually have to be conscious of the fact that i have to lift it off the ground.  I don't drag the others (i don't think) but if I don't lift this one up entirely it will fall flat and we definitely don't want that to happen...

suppose the flask inside doesn't survive - GASP!!!

      

geez!

I'm so tired of this cold weather and snow and ice and...but

I eh go lie, living in Atlanta is not too bad; it has its perks...5 inches of snow and the city has been shut down since Monday.  Of course I can't take advantage of this snow week because I work from home, so things are just normal for me.  I havent left this house since Saturday and I can't imagine that i will until Friday.  Have to go to my infusion (WOOHOO!!!) , but will probably need to leave now to get there on time (what with all the closed interstates, accidents, people who cyah drive in rain - far less for snow)

I'm seriously thinking of celebrating my birthday in May instead of now.  Accept all birthday wishes on Jan. 10th, but celebrate in warmer temperatures.  This is the 2nd year in a row that Ive had to cancel plans because Mother Nature had other plans for me - but things could be worse; i certainly am not complaining...I'm just saying...

anyhoo, hope everyone out there (in the US) is safe in this awful weather and keeping warm - Stax out!

OB, Dr.G & Me

Well, it's that time again...

OBs - only the best father a gal can have - Jan.9

Dr.G & Stacey - we ran the streets together, we share the same birthday; some might say that we are 2 peas in a pod - Jan 10

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to US!!!!!

More Canes

I got 2 birthday presents in the mail 2 days ago.  I have my "starter" canes - they convinced me that the canes are helpful and would be a good investment.  They are pretty banged up now, because i didn't have a cane holder (thanks Dee!) - who the hell knew that that existed...certainly not me!  So of course every where i took the cane and tried to prop them up, they would fall and i would have to announce, "it's just the cane!" because ultimately, everyone would wonder if it was me!

Anyhoo, so i decided that it was time to upgrade so to speak, so I bought myself a "fancy" wooden cane; that was my gift to myself and that came in the mail.

Along with that one, G2 decided to also give me a cane.  That one is an absolute hit and already my friends are rallying around me and have decided that they too need to get the cane (in a show of support nah) LOL!!!

It's called a "Smuggler's Cane"!  Here is the description from the website www.fashionablecanes.com:

A Brandy smuggler cane that has more than one purpose. There is a hidden compartment with an internal flask so one can have a tip of a beverage at hand from time to time... Also, stored inside are 2 tiny thimbles so one can take a thimbleful with a friend.

It's an ABSOLUTE BEAUT....can't wait to use this puppy :-)

Thank Goodness

I am tired of napping!  i mentioned before that I'm on 2 sets of muscle relaxants for Spasticity.  they both cause drowsiness so about an hour after taking them the drowsiness knocks me for 6 and sometimes it's completely embarrassing.  last week, I went to the dentist and actually was falling asleep in the dentist's chair! - i just couldn't help myself!!  WTF???

Now i didn't start taking them at the same time, so I know that my body is used to the 1st one (that caused me to be sleepy at first and then soon after there was no effect) - it was when i started the 2nd one that i just started getting so sleepy that i couldn't help but go to sleep even if for a short time (once it was during the week at work, i put my alarm to go off in 7 mins and i swear that it was the best 7 mins of my life, i woke up COMPLETELY refreshed) - but alas i can't afford to that everyday.

This looks just like me when i took that 7 min. nap

I called my doctor's office yesterday and told them that something had to give because the drowsiness is not going away.   I was so happy when the nurse called back and told me that i can cut out the dose that i take during the day, but i should keep taking it at nite.  I have no problem with that because nite time is time to sleep anyway - unless i have to be out, then i'll have to deal somehow.

I cut out the dose this morning and no glazed over eyes, no sleeping, no napping - NOTHING!!  Hopefully, the dosage of that medication was so small (2mg 3x daily) that it won't make too much of a difference my NOT taking it as often.

Right Back to Normal

The expectation here is that Christmas is done and u must just jump back into things as if the past 2 weeks didn't happen.  everything just DONE - i hate that about being here...I know that there is no Carnival to gear up for, but still...

anyhoo, i think i mentioned before that I'm not big into New Year's resolutions - in fact last year on this blog, i made a resolution for the first time - to work out consistently.  Well i started hot and heavy of course and then...but sometime in the middle of the year i actually started working out with a personal trainer and have been doing that consistently ever since.  So i guess u can say that i actually kept my resolution (is that what u say?).  I don't know if it helps me in any way as far as the MS is concerned - i guess it does, but hey!

This year I'm back to not making any resolutions - i have no clue what to come up with.  My fingers (toes, eyes, legs) are crossed that the MS is quiet, stable and doesn't shoot me with anything I can't handle. I'm also hopeful that i won't have to spend as much money on my health as i did in 2010 (hopefully tho, i spent enuf last year to claim the money spent on my taxes this year). 

Here's to a prosperous new year to u and urs!

HNY!!!

Have a safe and prosperous New Year!

Falling

I haven't talked about falling in a while and trust me it's NOT because it hasn't happened...the thing about falling is that when i trip (or whatever to cause the fall), i always try to "catch" myself to avoid - this is normal, i s'pose.  But the times that i actually fall is when i realize "shit - this is not going to work" and i just resign myself to hit the ground and hope that i don't hurt myself or land on my face.

That happened one morning last week...i'm really not sure what the hell happened but i knew that the fall had potential to be a great disaster.  I think that I've mentioned before that I've noticed that it's almost as if my legs need to warm up before they work "properly", so who knows just how shaky I was that morning.  All i know is that I was somewhere between the porcelain goddess and the sink which had more stuff than usual around it and so there was no telling how the tumble could end.  I tried, I tried, I tried to hold on to something/anything to balance and then eventually, i said, "fuck it, i'm going down!"  It wasn't as disastrous as I'd anticipated, but there was a helluva lot of noise.  My mother said (yes she's back) that it was the fastest that she'd ever climbed stairs (she was downstairs in the kitchen and heard the noise).

By the time she got to me, I was already down - of course - and had decided that i was going to finish brushing my teeth before even bothering to try to get up.  And the end of it all, I only had a bruised thigh to show for it - could have been MUCH worse!