Wednesday, September 29

Ramblings...Post about Nothing

Most times when I go for my infusion, i see the same people.  That only makes sense since it's supposed to be done every 4 weeks; so we are all on the same schedule.  Every so often tho, I will see a new person or 2.  So this last time (once again only stuck once - WOOHOO!) there were a few people who actually walked/looked like they were suffering from the same symptoms (y do i ALWYAS have to use spell check with this word) as me.  They say that misery loves company, and i am really beginning to totally understand how true that really is.  of course, on the flip side, there was also a woman in a chair...oye!  Now this woman had been there from 11-2:30 because they were "trying to get a good vein".  They eventually had to send her home to come back some other time (didn't macco (be nosy) well enuf to know when) because after 8tries (and letting her rest in between) they gave up...WTF!!!  hopefully i'll never have that experience.

i was looking at my feet the other day and it dawned on me that the veins there look perfect (to my trained by the internet eye).  Don't know if i'll ever muster the strength to go there (is that normal) but they appear to be bigger and more prominent than those in my arms/wrists.

The nurse who'd spoken to me about using a cane at the infusion center was so very excited and proud of me because i had actually gotten 1.  She noticed it right away and told me that i'd made a good choice and i won't regret it.

Monday, September 27

True Story

Saturday i had to take my car in to Honda.  I got there and the Honda man opened my door.  I told him my usual, "I'll take a moment" because in addition to just taking my time to get out the car, I was juggling a book, a cup of coffee, the cane, my phone and my handbag.

He said, "no problem...take ur time.  Would u like me to hold something for u?"...i said, "oh yes, thank u"...
 and handed him the cane!!

Friday, September 24

Not Sold

So...I'm still not sold on this cane.  I'm giving it a chance, but...

yesterday I had to pick up my car from the repair shop - how the fcuk do u see a parked car that is sitting in a practically empty parking lot and then reverse into it?????  that is just beyond my realm of imagination...but as usual i digress - so i went to get the car, took the cane and what did i do?  held it in my hand instead of actually using it!  HELLO!  I'm a loser, yes i know.

  • I get that it will help with my balance - i think.  What if i have it in my right hand and i start to sway to my left?  what then?
  • I'm not sure that it will help me when i'm stiff - can it really help me then?
  • what about when my knees decide to lock up - to me that is just more drama
I'm still being positive...I am not going to write it off.  I just have to get into the habit of picking it up and actually using it i s'pose and we'll see what happens.

It's a nice sleek's not fancy; didnt want to spend too much money on it until i know it'll actually be worth it, but it's cool enuf that i won't mind walking around with it. 

Tuesday, September 21

In the Mail

The cane is in the mail...

not sure if to be excited, feel depressed or just be indifferent

Friday, September 17


Part of managing my MS is all about routines - and I suspect that goes for all chronic diseases.  Altering old ones, creating new ones and even *gasp* deleting some old ones...

  • Eating breakfast - won't bore u with details but I've had to change my morning routine before heading downstairs to work
  • Getting ready to go somewhere - again, no details necessary, but i've had to alter my "getting ready" routine
  • Setting alarms to take meds - everyone always knows when it's 5pm and 9pm on a weekend now
  • Waking up at 1 am to take a pill - every morning, the alarm goes off; it's gotten to a point that sometimes if I'm asleep before that, i actually wake up without the alarm.  Luckily they're small enuf that i don't take them with water - 1 time i swore that i'd taken them; i felt them go down and the next morning i woke up and they were in the container smiling up at me
  • Partying on the sidelines - i doh fete like i used to (jes a whole lotta limin) but when i do,  i usually shy away from the wine and enjoy the music more than anything (love to hear music LOUD) and live vicariously thru everyone else
  • Walking around with a chair - never know where we might end up and there is no seating for me 
  • For the first 5 years, i had to figure out the best time to take my daily shot so that i wouldn't forget altho up till the time i stopped, i still kept forgetting...good thing i have to go in for the infusion
it's really about knowing my limitations/what I can and cannot do, altering some things to not put myself at risk...and if I try to do something that I know I shouldn't, being prepared to deal with any consequences.

Thursday, September 16

Taking the Plunge

allright...i give up!  I'm not going to fight it anymore...I'm throwing in the towel, biting the bullet - all of those phrases...

i'm 99.9999% sure that I'll get the cane. I think i need to practise for sure because even tho i'm that close to getting it, i'm not that close to being convinced that i'll be able to maneuver IT and ME all at once.

Using 1 will be better than falling more regularly than i do now and hurting myself.

D, I'll work on the pimp cup (just for u) - can't make any promises re: the cadillac :-)...i know u wish u were here to see for urself!

Friday, September 10

Cane...Food for Thought

So when i went for my infusion, 1 of the nurses saw me and asked me where was my cane.  She seemed to remember me coming in with a cane before.  When i told her that I didn't use one, she said that maybe i should look into it because it would help me keep my balance.  what's "funny" is that i'd written about my thoughts of using one the day before and then i go in and she's telling me that it will help me.  I'm still not convinced - i'm still a little afraid.  I'm thinking it's one more thing that I'll have to "keep track of" when i'm walking and that could end in disaster.  maybe it's also my pride?  maybe it's that i'm scared because again - the progression - canes might lead to other walking aides which could eventually lead to a permanent chair.  Of course there's always the bright side...i could get a "cool" cane; maybe different colours and styles so that i have options depending on where i'm going...

i swear it's getting harder and harder to keep my positive attitude about this disease. 

Wednesday, September 1

The New Drug


Not sure if i have figured out the last pill as yet. 
  • Sometimes it makes me sleepy (altho not as much as the first time) other times - nothing
  • the past 2 days, it's been making me dizzy (only for a few minutes), before yesterday - nothing
  • Once or twice, it made me feel kinda sick (again only for a few minutes) - but that's only been once or twice

Sheeeiit - i just don't know.  As usual, is it helping?  who the *^*!! knows.  i thought it was at first; now? not so much.  i was supposed to take 1/2 a tablet for a week (started 2 weeks ago) and then increase to a whole one.  Needless to say i'm still taking 1/2 because I'm a little afraid of what an entire 1 would do..more to come i suppose...