Thursday, May 30

Fears Part Deux

i was looking back at this list and things have changed (kinda) over the years...
  • i am no longer afraid of falling (sort of).  i don't WANT to fall but it's such a part of my life now that i don't fear it as much as maybe "hope for the best" when it happens (which has not been a recent occurrence *knock on wood*)
  • walking between cars is a non issue (for the most part) since i have my handy dandy cane (i'm up to 10 by the way...excessive?  maybe but i don't care)
the others are still on the list...fear of not being able to walk, pain, the unknown (all justifiable in my book).  in addition, i am afraid of...

sneezing when i'm not around something that i can hold on to.  those who know me know that this is can happen often.  my sinuses don't act up like they used to but i sneeze more often than a regular person (i'm sure) and if i'm walking or can't hold on when it happens, it's a precarious position for me.

walking in the wind.  "what??" u say.  1 of the earliest memories i have of myself is walking in Toronto between my aunt and my mother in my little red, shiny jacket.  it was WINDY and as they were walking forward each holding 1 of my hands, the breeze was pushing me back! well. it's the same thing now...i just know that i'm so friggin shaky now that a lil hard breeze will send me packing - cane and all - and i'm deathly afraid of that happenin.

i still stay away from the children - c'mon i only have 1 hand/arm to work with; they require (at least) 2!  speaking of children, they ALL used to be  fascinated by my canes; i guess the ones around me alot are used to me now but when i started coming around with the canes, all the kids were fascinated and wanted to play with them (i didn't mind, but some of the parents didn't find it as cute as i did) - lol.  it was something that i never understood but it always happened without fail - maybe it's because i was different from everyone else?

now that i'm re-reading this post before publishing it, maybe i am still afraid of falling because the end result of both these new situations is a possible buss ass so maybe deep down that is truly my ultimate fear!

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