Thursday, August 18

oh, That Positive Attitude!!

Many people have told me, "love your attitude, u're dealing with this really well" etc.  Hell, i wrote about it myself a little while ago - i'm coping with this disease the best i know how...but I can't help but wonder tho, "Am i being naive/just plain stupid?"  i'm not normally 1 to wear rose coloured glasses and see life as a bunch of roses, but i refuse to let My Situation get me down - don't think my friends will let it happen anyway.

Reading about other people's experiences (what i may have to "look forward" to) is sometimes depressing/alarming/scary.  It makes me more determined to fight the shit and fight it hard, but i can't help but think "is my fighting in vain?" - i'm going to PT, taking all these drugs, working it all for naught?

  • sometimes i want to stop taking the drugs, of course when i miss a dose i swear i can tell the difference.  
  • I will save so much money if i give up my personal trainer - but then I cannot go to a regular gym, do anything on my own and try to walk out of there because that is just a recipe for disaster
  • My PT appts. are at 7:30am so that work is not affected (my manager gives me enuf slack as it is - so i'm trying not to take advantage of that) so of course i have to wake up at the crack of dawn to get there on fun - not so much!!
Would all of that stop the MS in its tracks?  Will they dissuade it from completely consuming me?  How much (if at all) will/could doing all those things slow the progression of the disease?  will my +ve attitude turn into a -ve one or just how long will all this positivity last?

I continue to have so many fears of what the future could hold, what could possibly happen on any given day when i wake up?  what is the MS's plan?

so many questions with so few answers.

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