Thursday, August 16

Y Multiple Sclerosis?

I've talked bout this before; the absolute worst thing (in my book) about having MS is all the unknowns.  Yesterday, I talked about life having no guarantees and the uncertainty of it, well MS has no guarantees either.  As i mentioned yesterday, I've heard of a few deaths and shit that just seemed to happen for no reason out of the blue and i guess i couldn't help but become...a little reflective maybe?

Anyhoo, why the hell do i have MS?  i wish i knew.  Don't get me wrong, i'm not lamenting or having a "woe is me" moment, i just really wished i knew why i have it.  I develop reference material at work and 1 of the things that we've adopted is including a "why" statement so that associates understand the need for what we ask them to do.  If someone knew why they are doing something, chances are they'll be more likely to do it.  well, if i understood why i have MS, i'd be more likely to accept the fact that i have it.  I'd be able to link it to something that happened (maybe) way back when if u will.  Honestly, secretly, i believe that i have it because i contracted pneumonia as a child - i was somewhere between 10 and 13 (it was around carnival time too and i was so MAD because i had to stay at home instead of going to the stands to watch/lime - STEUPS!! and i think i remember seeing G and dem on TV too) - but what the hell do i know since i got my "medical degree" reading the internet!

Back to those uncertainties of MS, you jes never know day to day what it might/could throw ur way for u to deal with.  Every morning, i'm thankful that i wake up, can move and nothing's changed overnight.  i don't remember where i was flying to/from one time and an air-hostess asked me what was wrong.  when i told her about the MS, she told me that one morning her sister woke up and couldn't move from the neck down.  she'd since recovered but how friggin scary must that have been for her!!

a few weeks ago, i asked G if from what she can see, does she think that i've deteriorated (my walking disability), she said no, but for some reason, i've convinced myself that i am getting worse.  Do i feel worse?  not really, but there's just something...i can't put my finger on it really but...

I don't live in constant fear of what could happen, but the thought's always there...at the back of my mind...lingering/chillin/hanging out...


P.S. thanks Heidi for those creative vibes, looks like i actually "caught" some of them :-)

6 comments:

  1. I don't live in constant fear, but you are so right...it's always lurking in the background!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. always there, going nowhere, just lingering - i guess that's just the nature of this beast eh

      Delete
  2. I too had pneumonia as a child. I was about 4. It was one of the last home visits that a real doctor made to us. I remember so well because I remember the doctor filling a syringe of white stuff(penicillin-new fangle stuff then)and shooting me in the butt. BOY! Did that HURT! But got better quickly.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ah hah...a similarity...maybe we can start our own little research project here and find some answers!...
      might move the researchers along :-)

      Delete
  3. In order to be as Good, loving,wonferfull,wise,intelligent,beautifull,kind,the million other positives about you and the love that we who fortunately have the honour to know you and your entire family hold for you its a small price LOVE YOU ALL

    ReplyDelete