Things that Make U Go "hmmmm'

How is it that i'm so much better on the weekends and when i'm off than during the week? hmmmmm

• Am i stressed at work?  No, only now and again but not as a rule
• Do i dislike my job?  No...there are frustrating moments, but in general, i can't complain one bit
• Am i under pressure?  Nope...i have deadlines, but i know when they are and work toward them

hmmm...so what the problem is?!?!? (loved Martin Lawrence in National Security)

i don't spend a whole lot of time thinking/wondering about it - it's just 1 of those things that i'll never understand, but 1 of my theories is that my body doesn't like being jarred awake at some ungodly hour and have to start moving prior to when it's actually ready to get up.

I do have a slightly different pill schedule.  I take the pill that puts me to sleep in the morning when i don't have to wake up for work...maybe that's it?  who the hell knows..if that's the reason i'll just have to move right along because there is no way i can take the sleepy pill in the morning during the week - i can't afford to be knocked out on conference calls and such.

Today i'm off and i'm much better than if i were logged on at my desk.  Maybe it's because i spend the entire day sitting at my desk working as opposed to being up and moving about every now and again during the day when i'm off?  again, who the hell knows...

i just chalk it up as 1 of those MS unknowns and roll with it...

WHATEVER! 

heeheehee

Every now and again, i would go back and read old posts and the other day, i came across this one, Not Sold. i wrote that soon after i'd gotten the cane.  well, HAH!!  once again, it's funny how ur perspective on things can change as time goes by.

About 2 weeks ago, my manager asked me if i'm using my cane and my response was, "oh yes i am!  I can't imagine going anywhere without it; i think i'd be like a fish out of water without it!"

These days i can safely say without a doubt that it helps me (unlike what i wrote in that post).  i really shudder at the thought of going anywhere without it.    It used to be that i would kinda feel self conscious of the fact that i was walking with a cane.  Now???  u couldn't pay me to walk without it!

Whether it's a good or bad thing, the cane has become my "third leg" and unfortunately for me,  i need 3 to get around!

 

Y Can't that B Me II

i am envious when I see people exercising!  

Again, who woulda thunk it!?!?  Anyone who knows me, knows just how much i used to HATE the gym and NEVER really looked forward to working out.  In fact, when i was dancing, i was happiest because that alone is a workout and because i was having a good time doing it, i never really thought of dance as a workout per se.

Even when my neuro told me (years ago) that exercise is important while managing MS, i still needed some type of motivation and couldn't get it together to get started on some sort of regular program.  At some point, i realized that the only thing that would get me going and keep at it consistently was to hire a personal trainer.

These days, I've actually gotten to a point where i like working out with Reggie (*gasp*, did i just say that out loud???).  I go to a small gym, not a Golds, Ballys type place.  There are about 4 or 5 studios in which the trainer and the client workout together one on one.  The studios are only used by 1 client at a time, so u really have the trainer's undivided attention for the time that you're there.  Even though the place is used/setup like that, sometimes u can see what others might be doing if u're there at the same time.  While i do get my money's worth, I have limitations so there's a whole lotta shit that i can't do.  well, when i see other people doing such things, i look at them and again think, "*sigh*, wish i could do that!"  of course, some of the exercises, i could try...but then i'd probably spend the entire 45 mins just to do 1 rep!!!  (may not be a good idea. SO not a good use of my money).

*sigh*

just another 1 of those things...

*sigh* Now Y Can't that B Me

it's amazing how things happen/change in ur life and it takes on new meaning/you gain new perspectives.

I've been going for infusions for a almost a year and a half now and every time i go, it's a fight with my veins.  In my wildest dreams, i never thought that would be an issue because every time i went to give blood prior to my starting the infusions, i never had any problems.

• i'm a nightmare to the nurses,
• My veins are small
• My veins tend to roll; they don't ever want to come up to the surface of my skin to make anything easy
• Its always a bet - how many times will i get stuck this time around?

In light of all that, these days when i see someone with nice bulging veins i look at them with pure envy!  i saw a fella in the barber shop on Saturday and I swear his veins were a big as a drinking straw!!  I always think, "now y couldn't that be me"???  I know that i don't know everyone's situation...but i always think, "what a waste of a nice vein...bet u don't have to go for an infusion every 4 weeks!"

Apart from the obvious, guess which hand is mine!

I think i have good ones in my feet, but alas they won't use the foot.  so i just have to look and lust after the big veins when i see them.   Who woulda thunk that there would come a time when i would look at people and the 1st thing i notice about them is the size of their VEINS!!!

All Bruised Up

so i fell down yesterday.  I just wrote about falling last week and i fell yesterday - it's almost like i called it on myself.

Anyhoo, it was a good"ish" fall.  I actually fell hard on concrete on my knees in the parking lot in front my house.  i thought that my knees would be in a mess, but it turns out that they are okay...the tops of my feet however is another story.  Because of how i fell, i was in a precarious position against the car and had to drag my (upside down) feet to get out of it.  Ended up with 3 whiteman bruises the top of my right foot.  I was carrying a Target bag with some stuff and all the stuff stayed in the bag - so all in all a good fall, nothing to complain or write home about.

happy times!

that Fear of Falling

Funny - falling is no longer a big fear of mine really; the fear is now the effect of the fall.  Unfortunately, falling has become a part of my life...when i fall, i hope for a "good" fall - no injuries, no pain, nothing; I can laugh, get up and go on with my life.  Now, don't get me wrong, of course i don't want to fall and i always try to stop it from happening, but when it does, i brace myself and hope for the best!

The other day i was working out with Reggie, my personal trainer who's really good with me and understands that i need extra help to get from here to there, most times.  He let me go for a brief second to go put away some weights and i felt myself starting to topple over.  A few loud noises/half screams and he was right there at my side, even though it turned out to be a false alarm and i was able to "catch" myself.

Nite before last, I said to G, as i was making my way up the 1st flight of stairs, "good thing we live in this house"...she didn't understand because of course at the time i was actually making my way up the 1001 steps that we have.  I explained...the house in which we lived prior also had steps of course, but it's the steps leading up to the house that would have been a bitch for me.  There were only about 6 and they were wide BUT there was no railing AND it was flanked by those prickly shrubs ON BOTH SIDES.  I have a vision in my head of falling off those steps and into the bush - the picker bush - ACK!!!  (it actually makes me feel a lil ill)

thank goodness it will never happen as i have absolutely no reason to ever go back to that house but...

Walking up and Down the Steps

i prefer to walk up or down 5000 steps than walk on any incline - regardless of how steep.  it's just easier for me - i may take forever and of course it does a job on the legs but it's easier - in my perfect world, everywhere would be FLAT!  i've mentioned before that i live in a 3 story townhouse; if i could have seen into the future, we would have bought a flat house, but say wha.  Normally, when i go down, i'm down to stay and when i go back up, i'm up to stay - there's no climbing up and down the steps throughout the day.  My nightly routine is to put the next day's tablets in my bag when i'm up in my room because forgetting the pills (UPSTAIRS on the 3rd floor) is NOT an option especially since i work on the ground floor.

Well yesterday morning, G and I were making breakfast (kitchen is in the middle), my alarm went off to take the 8am pills and i took the "thursday" container out of my bag and placed them on the table.  I sat down to eat breakfast and she left for work.  I picked up the container to take the pills and at that point, i realized that it was empty - it was the Wednesday container.  UGH!!!  Funnily enuf, i'd had a nagging feeling of something not being right on my mind as she was walking out; if i'd only known then what i eventually found out, i would have asked her to go for the pills.  For a fleeting moment, i thought about leaving them upstairs and suffering thru the day, but good sense prevailed and i decided to make the trek up to my bedroom.

i think the trek UP the steps then back DOWN again and DOWN to my office took me about 10 mins - ugh!!  and of course i was shaky for most of the day after that.  MS SUCKS!

Of course this morning, she took a quick glance in the container to make sure that there were pills in it.

Falling...again - as usual!

i've mentioned before that anytime i fall, i laugh hysterically...especially when i realize that it's a "good fall" - no injuries, pain etc, jes a plain ole fall.  Is that normal?  is it smart?  maybe not, but it is what it is and that's how i react.  not sure if it's because i haven't been in a completely embarrassing situation or what but it only occurred to me on Saturday nite that other people may not find the humour.

I was actually holding on to someone as we walked out of a house and quite frankly, i don't even think that we were walking at that moment.  Not sure what happened, but i just started leaning and eventually fell and of course, i started laughing.  CQ, however, was lil mad that it happened "on his watch" - he wasn't laughing!  i tried to tell him that it was okay - no worries; Lord knows that i fall all the time and am used to it, but he wasn't hearing it.  The same thing happened a few weeks ago with another friend who was helping me with something...i kept falling and she kept saying, "she keeps laughing, but i really am trying to help." I knew she was, but i probably wasn't helping the situation by laughing like a jackass all the time.

• Maybe deep down inside, i'm actually embarrassed and just need to deal with it so i do so by laughing?  who knows...

Maybe i need to rethink my reaction because it's not always as funny to everyone else as it is to me...not making any promises on that right now, but it is something that i think i need to think about/be aware of.  I'm not going thru this alone, so i do have to take other people's feelings into consideration.

Needing Assistance

I've mentioned sometime before that i will accept assistance even when i don't need it sometimes.  I figure if someone offers to help me, i'll take it.  There are times however, when i actually could do with a hand and will ask for it - ain't no shame in my game (anymore) at those times.  It's those times when that left leg gets so stiff that i just can't bend it  (it's amazing, but it happens) or if i feel really weak and just can't move it on my own.  Oftentimes it will happen when i'm getting into or out of a car.  Getting in, I would plant my ass on the seat and then cannot swing my legs in - the other day, i discovered a way to "tuck and roll" into the car in those times - not very ladylike and only to be used when absolutely necessary.

So 1 day, we were going somewhere and K was driving.  She drives an Explorer - that thank goodness, unlike big black (J's Tundra) has a step ladder so getting in is a breeze.  Well that day, no matter how hard i tried i couldn't get in the car.  i could step up on the ladder, but not get in - try as i might, it jes wasn't working- it was a while ago, i really don't remember what was happening.  I asked her for help so she did but it made no difference, i still couldn't get in.  A few seconds later, G come downstairs and seeing what was going on said, "K!  what u are doing is not going to do anything.  U have to take that leg and manhandle it, use some elbow grease and strength and force it to do what you need it to do."  In 2 2s we were on our way...last week, a friend was visiting and again, i needed some help - same thing essentially happened.

G is used to me and my "issues".  Others are aware of my situation but are not always involved with the kind of help i might need.  It's always funny to us when we have to school people on the way to (man)handle me if necessary.  The good news is that i have no pain so using force is not going to break or hurt me and i don't get embarrassed by what needs to be done, so we just get it done and be on our way.

No time to waste round here!

#17!

whoa!  time waits on NOONE!

I went for my 17th infusion on Friday - who woulda thunk it; I can't believe it's been that long.  It was a great one too - i got stuck only once, the blood GUSHED out of my vein (unlike the usual "molasses going UPhill") and the medication took only 20 mins as opposed to an hour to flow into my body - go figure; i chalked it up as "just 1 of dem tings".  I stayed a little longer than normal to be observed afterward because 20 mins was so out of the ordinary.

Anyhoo, so i normally see a doctor or a nurse practioner before going in for the infusion and 1 of the questions they always ask is how things have been in the past month and if i've noticed any new neurological symptoms (I CANNOT spell that word on the 1st try - EVER). so i told Beverly (the nurse practitioner) about my off and on bladder issues.  She asked me if it was new to me and i told her that it has happened before, but i never thought that it was MS related.  She confirmed for sure that it was and told me that if i was interested, there were drugs that could be prescribed to help.  Before i could say anything, she went on to tell me that the drugs prescribed sometimes can make it harder to pee for some patients.

now, i didn't want the drugs in the 1st place but after she told me that, there was no way i was going to say yes.  What the?!?!?! can anyone tell me why it is that the drugs prescribed that will help one to pee all the way and completely empty the bladder will actually make it harder to pee at all?????  There is something wrong with that statement - it makes no kinda sense - AT ALL; not in any language!!!!  Who the hell are these researchers, drug manufacturers, scientists...boy would i like to have word with them!

Anyway, I asked beverly if my going along without doing anything is a problem and she said no - thank God.  As with everything MS related, I will keep an eye on it and if it starts getting worse or becoming a problem, i will deal with it then...no need getting my panties all in a bunch for nothing at this point.

Boat Rides

So...

• boatride in NY was standing room only and we know how well i do that!  good thing i didn't go
• boatride in ATL was perfect - good thing i went!!!  

App there were 85 people on the boat and as A put it, if there were 86 people, it would have been too many.  We snuck all our drinks onto the boat, we had room to get on bad and thoroughly enjoy ourselves.

a few pictures....

 

oh, That Positive Attitude!!

Many people have told me, "love your attitude, u're dealing with this really well" etc.  Hell, i wrote about it myself a little while ago - i'm coping with this disease the best i know how...but I can't help but wonder tho, "Am i being naive/just plain stupid?"  i'm not normally 1 to wear rose coloured glasses and see life as a bunch of roses, but i refuse to let My Situation get me down - don't think my friends will let it happen anyway.

Reading about other people's experiences (what i may have to "look forward" to) is sometimes depressing/alarming/scary.  It makes me more determined to fight the shit and fight it hard, but i can't help but think "is my fighting in vain?" - i'm going to PT, taking all these drugs, working out...is it all for naught?

• sometimes i want to stop taking the drugs, of course when i miss a dose i swear i can tell the difference.  
• I will save so much money if i give up my personal trainer - but then I cannot go to a regular gym, do anything on my own and try to walk out of there because that is just a recipe for disaster
• My PT appts. are at 7:30am so that work is not affected (my manager gives me enuf slack as it is - so i'm trying not to take advantage of that) so of course i have to wake up at the crack of dawn to get there on time...fun fun - not so much!!

Would all of that stop the MS in its tracks?  Will they dissuade it from completely consuming me?  How much (if at all) will/could doing all those things slow the progression of the disease?  will my +ve attitude turn into a -ve one or just how long will all this positivity last?

I continue to have so many fears of what the future could hold, what could possibly happen on any given day when i wake up?  what is the MS's plan?

so many questions with so few answers.

MS Really is Bad

One of the things that helped me come to terms with having MS was that "it's not the worst thing that could have happened"...I'm beginning to rethink that...MS is pretty darn bad...okay, maybe it isn't the worst, but it's up there with the rest of the bad things.  i think that what makes it worse than some other diseases is that the cause is unknown, it's unknown how it could affect anyone on any given day, the cure is unknown- there are just too many bloody unknowns.

One of the ways that it can affect us is with bladder control.  Some patients may not be able to control their bladders whilst others may not even be able to empty their bladders (no consistency either!!!!) for me, sometimes I pee just because there is a bathroom around - not necessarily because i have to pee, but because there is a bathroom i don't mind using available.  I never let it get to the point where my bladder is about to buss because if i get to that point, my ass is grass - there's no holding it for me!

I noticed that every now and again something would happen to me so i said to G, "you ever had to pee, used the bathroom and then u notice after you're done and u leave the bathroom (mind u) that, "shit!  i have to go again?"  Of course she said no and as usual, we moved on...i chalked it up to one of those things that just happens sometimes i guess.  I subscribe to the MS Society's monthly publication and 1 day i was reading it and i saw an article on the bladder control issue and it spoke about patients' not being able to empty their bladders and it hit me, "what the?!?!?! i guess that's what i've been experiencing"  i'd never thought that it was the MS - for once i didn't blame it and it actually is to blame.  When it happens, it's only at nite - i drink so much water (i always say, the only things i drink are water and alcohol, i don't mess with juice and sweet drink and all the other shit out there) that sometimes i have to get up 2 or 3 times to pee at nite - well when i do use the bathroom and get back into bed to go back to sleep, that's when it give me a nudge and says, "eh eh...we not done yet" so i have to get back out of the bed and head back to the bathroom.

I've had conversations with the MS, "i mean, do u really think that it's necessary to put me thru this????  i mean i have to get out the bed, stumble to the bathroom, pee, stumble back to bed, lie down to start going back to sleep and THEN u decide to let me know that "oh by theway, u're not done yet" so i have to start the whole bloody process al over AGAIN!!!"  i mean...really?!??!?!  UNNECESSARY walking is not something i ever look forward to; i try to save my walking for when i absolutely must do it and in my book, this situation counts as completely unnecessary and uncalled for.

Don't get me wrong, i still know that my situation is not the worst (for sure) and maybe MS isn't the worst, but it sure is damn bad!!

GRRRRRR!!!

To Do or Not To Do...

1/2 of dealing with MS (and i suspect any chronic disease) really is about making good, well informed decisions.  July was a blur to me...i was on vacation, OB was here, I was limin up a storm right thru.  I blinked twice and it was over - time really does fly when u're having fun.  Anyhoo, so this past weekend, i decided i wasn't going to do ANYTHING!  i was going to keep my ass quiet for the 1st time in a month and just stay home and relax...try to get over July.  Of course, errands and normal Saturday stuff doesn't count, so when i finally woke up on Saturday, i jumped in the car and moseyed on down to the barber shop - i have to get my hair cut every 2 weeks, or i'm a stark, raving, mad woman.

The shop i go to is not close but i've been going to this 1 chick since 1995 and she does a fantastic job, so i'm not about to go in search of another barber.  The shop is in a mall; mind you, not the nicest mall around, but for whatever reason, whenever i go down there, it is ALWAYS PACKED!  On Saturday, I actually had to park the farthest away i've ever parked and was actually questioning whether or not i should bother - but again, i'm a stark, staring, mad woman, so i pushed through.   Men give women a hard time about going to the hair salon and how long it takes, but i swear it's no different in a barber shop.  they get their beards groomed, their mustaches trimmed - it's not as long a process, but it takes quite some time and Miriam (my barber) is quite good so there are always quite a few people in front of me on a Saturday - unless i go at the crack of dawn and that eh happenin!  Well even though i was just sitting waiting (i swear it was about 2 hrs on Sat), i was ah lil tired by the time my turn rolled around.  She knows about the MS and for some reason, that day she asked me where i'd parked.  When i told her, she said that she'd get someone to go get the car for me - i could have jumped into her arms and kissed her!  The thought of having to walk back all that way in the 9something degree heat was making me even MORE tired!  I've learned to accept help sometimes even when i really don't need it!

I left the barber shop and went to lunch - a gal has to eat - especially when it's at Eclipse.  As i was leaving Eclipse, i was still feeling a little tired, but had to go get the brows done...so i headed there.  Well i got there, got out the car, took 2 1/2 steps toward the place and decided that it wasn't worth it...nice arched eyebrows vs bussin my ass in the place because i was tired?  i chose to not chance bussin my ass.  i was also supposed to make 1 more turn that evening - instead i entered my front door and set my alarm for the night because i knew i wasn't going another place for the day, not even if they paid me!


P.S. the eyebrows are still not done- ugh!  maybe i'll go tomorrow.

Asshole Drivers

Indulge me...this has nothing to do with MS.

I've owned 3 1/2 cars - i say 1/2 because i didn't pay for Betsey but C&I shared her.

• Stax 1 was written off - i wasn't driving.  
• Stax 2 was hit by an asshole who reversed into it while it was parked.  
• Stax 3 was hit by another asshole who couldn't drive and reversed into the parked car and then was bol'face enuf to tell me that i mustn't park in front my house (did i mention that said asshole didn't even live in the complex???) 

So yesterday, G was stopped at an intersection waiting to pull out when a jackass drove right into us.    When he came out the car, he said, "where did u come from?  where were u?"  uhmm...right here jackass.  Stopped in front of you!!!

I have NO patience for idiot drivers - NONE!!  how, how, how do u NOT see a car that is stopped in front of u?????  in times like these it's good when G is involved because a blood vessel usually bursts in my head and acc to her, I "was coming out of the car swinging!".  she's much more diplomatic and reserved than i.   I think that what really got me going is that the man hit us, i looked back and our eyes made 4 and then as if to say "bite me", he pushed the car forward a bit like he was trying to move us out of the way.  I was on my way to work out and was really looking forward to it to, so that got me going too!

Anyhoo, we are both ok...he got a ticket (woohoo LOL) and truth be told the damage is not as bad as i originally thought.  Of course, now i just have to deal with the hassle of getting it fixed.

oh the drama...

HMPH!!!

There is an upcoming boatride in NY to which i'd planned on going.  I haven't gone anywhere for the summer and i've actually been thinking that i haven't been to NY in a long time, so what the hell - this was a perfect opportunity to kill about 6 stones at once.   Now truth be told, i've been hemming and hawing about going NY because it's such a "walking" city that i am a lil afraid of going - but a few friends i've spoken to up there say, "doh worry - we will work around that; daiz no problem"...i've still been a little hesitant.

I'll only mention 1 "name" in the following story...

so G comes home one day and says, "i got a call from person and a good point was brought up, i suppose...maybe u shouldn't go on the boatride since we aren't all going...suppose something were to happen on the boat...getting u off may be a problem..."  now, i never gave this any thought, but it is a valid point...i don't put myself in situations that i know i (or my friends) may not be able to handle, but something like this?  no....never thought that IF something were to happen on the boat....then she said, "it's ur call - whatever u decide to do is fine. I asked person why they called me and not u, but there was no real reason, anyway u'll get a call tonite"  i said to myself, "self...what are the odds of something happening on the boat; it's a valid point....hmmm" we continued talking and laughed at a few things and moved on...i continued looking for tickets.

2 days later i got a text from the person that said, "we were discussing it and we think that the boatride in ATL will be better for u to attend...call me".  i read it,  got pissed off and insulted instantly and in that moment, i decided "Fuck it, i'm not going".  i responded right away with, "it's okay - i not going".  person responded with, "what? am i not worth a call to discuss?"  At the time, i wasn't in the mood.

Now...i cyah tell a lie...my reaction surprised me - i'm not usually one to get pissed off at alot of things, but i really was pissed that day.  I think it was the "we" in the text message that did it because i was thinking "what the???!!!???" I'M the one who's sick not anyone else, so why not discuss with me - i didn't care who the "WE" was.  I also got pissed because I have MS and i can't help it nor can i do a whole lot about it so again - discuss with ME not WE 0 i felt like decisions were being made for me!!!  Well i didn't call the person until about 2 days later - after i'd cooled down, we talked about it and they tried to justify it, but quite frankly, i wasn't interested.  we have moved on from the incident and i hope that i don't ever have to  be in a situation like that again because it really wasn't a good feeling - at least not for me.

this is not to make anyone feel bad or anything like that, the person already knows how i felt and as usual i'm just telling my MS story.

+ve Attitude

I'm done with my pity party...i'm extremely grateful that i'm stable.  improvement would be nice, but stability is good news!

G and I had dinner with 2 friends a couple weeks ago.  P was running late so we were limin with H and having a good time for his birthday.  All of a sudden he said to me, "U are 1 of the srongest people i know" to which i responded, "why?".  I think i was honestly a little confused because i so try not to make the MS the center of anything.  The conversation went on and he continued that i am always smiling, never letting anything get me down and he thinks that my attitude speaks volumes...everntually i said thank you and we moved on...

an hour or so later, P showed up...good times, lots of laughter, drinks, good food and he says, "u know u are the most positive person i know".  it was out of left field (at least i thought it was) and he too commented on how i'm always smiling, organising a good time, limin hard and just generally very positive in spite of everything.

it's always interesting and "warm and fuzzy" to me when people tell me things like that.  i don't think of myself as a strong person nor do i think that i'm very positive in fact a more cynical pessimist u'll not find.   I have come to realize that i am actually dealing with the MS in the best way possible and in general i don't let it drag me down.  Back in the days when i would say "screw u MS" and do things that i shouldn't, the bad days might have reared their ugly heads more, but now that i know my limitations and don't do anything stupid, they are few and far between.

so...stability is GREAT - improvement will be greatER and i'll shout it from the rooftops, but until then I'll take stability any day!!

PT Assessment

well...my PT did an assessment of me this morning - it's been 90 days since i've started going...


i didn't test worse than i did when she did the initial evaluation (great news, i know!), but shit, is it really too much to ask to see an improvement (anywhere)????  On the scoring scale she uses, i believe i was 1 point better - in their book it must be at least 5 points for them to say, "yes, she's improved!"...so as far as she is concerned, i'm stable - good news, yeah, i know but shit!  i don't think it's too much to ask to see something positive once in a while.

Dr.'s Visit

It's been a while....i was on vacation last week - and what a great vacation it was!

anyhoo...so i went to my neuro yesterday for a regular follow up and nothing really to report.  he confirmed that the MRI shows no progression (good news), he was disappointed that i haven't seen any improvement in my gait from the Tysabri (bad news).  Also, the last time i was in to see him he said that they would draw blood to test for the the presence of the antibodies that causes the brain infection - well they never did that.  I assumed that 1 of the vials drawn during 1 of my infusions was for it.  I was wrong...so that test still needs to be done during my next infusion and i'll get the results beginning of October.

At that point, if the antibodies are present, i will be at higher risk for developing the infection and decisions will need to be made about whether to continue and tempt fate or discontinue and go on something else - decisions, decisions (as if it weren't bad enuf that i had to decide if i even wanted to start on Tysabri in the 1st place). If no antibodies present, i'm in good shape and can continue on Tysabri.

He asked me if it's working and i had to be honest and tell him that i had no clue.  I suppose it's working because i have no additional lesions on my brain or spine and no exacerbations recently, but other than that, i can't be sure.   I was hoping for a walking improvement - so many people say great things about Tysabri, "it's the most aggressive drug on the market...blah blah blah", but if you ask me, it's on the same level as all the other drugs available - oh well...wha yuh go do?