I've been told in the past that i have a stone where my heart should be. I'm not the most emotional person u'll ever meet and I'm very practical - most times. Anyhoo, I was reading something yesterday and it occurred to me that i didn't cry when my doctor (at the time) told me that i had MS - didn't the days after either. I don't remember how i told everyone around me nor their reactions...did anyone cry? hell if i know.
in fact, i didn't cry until almost a year later on GA Avenue in DC when i couldn't play mas! i wasn't crying because i had MS per se, but because i couldn't enjoy something that i'd been doing for YEARS! funnily enough...i tear up every time i'm anywhere near the parade for Carnival (miami, DC); hence the reason i will not be going home ever again for Carnival.
those are the only times that tears have actually flowed...yeah, i have the occasional bad day/sad time but i've never been truly upset about having MS. I'm afraid of what might be in store for the future and a few other things, but upset? no...i can't do anything about it - NOTHING at all, so y waste time to get upset.
does that make me weird/stupid/all those kinds of words? don't know, but it is what it is...
in fact, i didn't cry until almost a year later on GA Avenue in DC when i couldn't play mas! i wasn't crying because i had MS per se, but because i couldn't enjoy something that i'd been doing for YEARS! funnily enough...i tear up every time i'm anywhere near the parade for Carnival (miami, DC); hence the reason i will not be going home ever again for Carnival.
those are the only times that tears have actually flowed...yeah, i have the occasional bad day/sad time but i've never been truly upset about having MS. I'm afraid of what might be in store for the future and a few other things, but upset? no...i can't do anything about it - NOTHING at all, so y waste time to get upset.
does that make me weird/stupid/all those kinds of words? don't know, but it is what it is...
someone once asked me if I ever cried about having glaucoma (and the prospect of blindness). given that i was on 32 when I was diagnosed, i suppose tears might have made sense. My response was pretty much, "Darlin' dese (eye)drops too expensive to cry. If I cry dey go run out meh eye". 11 years and one almost useless eye later, i still can't muster the energy for tears. i have too many other things to do. So do you. Maybe we're both weird. Well we're both Trinis, so it's entirely possible.
ReplyDeleteI'm not upset about having MS, like you said, nothing I can do about it. No point crying over spilled milk either...carry on!
ReplyDeleteLike you said, you are a practical person. My request is that you stop being practical long enough for me to give you ah jockey back by Memorial Park on Carnival Tuesday. I promised you that and I am a man of my word. I'm sure that Johnny and Kurt will help me if I get tired before we reach the savannah.
ReplyDeleteStax, this reminds me of mummy (aunty Claire) she cried too when she reached the point that she could not play mas. If carnival in yuh blod it in dere good an proper. Trinis you will understand that we constantly seeking a good Lime.
ReplyDeleteMy emotions are as unpredictable as this disease!
ReplyDeleteLiesl, this comment made me literally laugh out loud; your response to that person was priceless!
ReplyDeleteKaren, that's my attitude with everything i have to deal with.
Ainsley i not going home for carnival, say what yuh want.
Charlene, first of all i mad at u that u put auntie claire name in brackets...that wasn't even necessary! hmph!!! u're right tho, if it in ur blood it there good and proper for true
Nicole, we all deal with things the best way we know how