Ah Shit...

AC cancelled gym last week Tuesday. When I found out, I smiled cuz Monday night (after limn on a school nite - those days of bouncing back fresh and chipper are long gone), I'd actually been thinking of canceling myself but didn't.  Dr. G was in town whole week and even tho reliving our glory days is out, I canceled PT and we limed again Wednesday.  Thursday morning, I turned at the sound of my alarm, snoozed for my usual 45 mins, woke up and said, "I really really eh feeling gym this morning nah" so I canceled. As I was drifting back to sleep, I heard a little voice in my head, "Stacey.  u know u're going to regret this."

Thursday nite, I struggled walking around this apartment! WDF???  I felt so unstable and unsure of myself that I used the scooter INSIDE here - something I never do. I went to sleep and right then and there decided that if I wake up struggling the same way, I wasn't going to work. Friday morning, I was moving around a little better and was about to get ready for work and I said, "fcuk it. I'm taking a "Stacey" day." Those of you who know me know how out of character that was - I don't even like to call in sick when I AM sick.  My wretched disease was kicking my ass tho so I figured it was ok.

I really really do hope that all of this is as a result of my not working out or doing any PT for the week and nothing more (it's happened once or twice before but never been this bad). I've since done my PT routine and I'm moving around better but I'm not my normal self really. Went out Sunday and made it back with no drama so that, at least is a good thing. Went to the gym this morning (i was actually looking forward to it and couldn't wait) and even though unfortunately the workout was a shortened one,  already some body parts feel better but did it actually make any difference?  time will tell i suppose.

 Being sick really is a bitch!

My Disability

I always just measured my disability by my struggles with walking; I never really thought of my hand as a contributor. It only dawned on me the other day (when I wrote this) that "wait a minute, the fact that I can't use my hand as I want to is a disability too". I swear I never thought about it before - call me stupid, but it is what it is - go figure! We do this thing at home - If u ask someone to do something for u, the person can look at u and ask, "wha'am? Yuh hand pok?"- essentially, the person is asking if something is wrong with ur hands that u cyah do (whatever) for yourself.  Well, I can actually answer with a resounding "yes" if anyone says that to me. 

Like everything else that i have going on, it's my left side and it happened over a period of time. I actually remember the conversation I had with Learls when I told her that "something is going on with my left hand now".  Pity tho, I don't remember when it occurred. Anyhoo, at the beginning, I would notice it kinda curling a little when I walked and even more so when my legs got fatigued. Then, it became really bothersome especially at the end of the work day because of all the typing I did - that's when I got the Dragon software. 

• Side note: I actually type with one hand quite easily in this new position.  I'm no longer developing reference material.  Now, I'm in numerous spreadsheets, so it's easy to just use my right hand but I do use Dragon when necessary. 

Well, these days, it's curled up tight on a regular basis, like curled up shut; in a kinda fist if you will. Now, I can pry my fingers open (with my right hand or sometimes I can actually open it up) and use the hand (somewhat) but it's as if its natural state is to be curled up in a ball - my PT has given me exercises to strenghen. As with everything else, I have no pain so it's just more a pain in the ass than anything.  It definitely contributes to my disability tho (how did I not think so before? Who the hell knows?). Try and do ANYTHING with ur hands while one is curled up in a ball. Go ahead, I'll wait…

pain in the ass right?  Ugh! Have I ever mentioned that being sick sucks??? :-)